No more thinking!

I am happy to report that my wardrobe selections for last week worked perfectly.  I used everything I packed and successfully managed a trip which included work, vacation, five different cities, and three different suitcases, and about nine different dress codes.

Seriously, what IS the difference between ‘semi-casual,’ ‘business-casual,’ ‘outdoor-casual,’ and ‘country-club-casual,” WHAT ?

As of yesterday  I am back at home – not refreshed really – but rejuvenated a bit and excited about finishing my coursework (tonight), a graduation party (this weekend) and graduation itself (next weekend).

They call graduation “commencement” here, of course because it’s a ceremony primarily for undergraduates and because it’s supposed to mark ‘a beginning.’  I can’t quite get my head around the beginning that is in front of me – perhaps because I feel more like I am in the middle of my story.  Either way, this is a logical time for me to think about my life, my career, my goals, and my next steps.

And so I am.  Thinking that is.  DANGEROUS.
It feels like I should be pondering my biggest resolution yet.

Truthfully, I never really figured out what I was supposed to do with my life.

I got married, which made me happy for a long time.  I found a job I liked and made a career out of it, almost by accident.  I focused on working to support my husband’s dreams because I never figured out what mine were.  Now divorced, I find myself happy with my location, my work, and my life in general.  I never planned on this path, but I’m on it and content.

Part of me feels that I should be looking for something more – perhaps just because I’ve never asked myself the big questions.

* What do I want to do with my life?
* What legacy should I leave?
* How can I make the most of the time I have?

Part of me feels I should just be relaxing and enjoying the time ahead.  Summer.  My porch.  Friends.  My Dog.

The juxtaposition of these  forces (what’s next?  vs. just relax!) sums me up right now.  I’m thinking ALL THE TIME about the future, the world, my values, my options.  It’s EXHAUSTING.

And I don’t want to do it any more.

So, 11 days into the month, here is my resolution.  I am going to stop thinking about this stuff.  For the next 20 days.  I am going to give myself a break from big ideas, life goals, and what if’s.  I’m just going to be.

Or at least, I’m going to try.

So, if you’re in the area, come join me on the porch for a drink and a visit.  I’ll be hanging around, NOT thinking about what’s next, but focusing on what’s in front of me right now.

A gin-and-tonic.

(P.S. I’m noticing a theme here.)

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Filed under Alcohol, Life, Resolutions, The Meaning of Life

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